According to the Google weather reports the weather today for Alice Springs was 87° F, 8 mph winds and a humidity of -1%. Yes my friend – that is a minus sign not a dash or typo. As product of the Midwestern United States, I’ve never even contemplated the concept of 0 humidity let alone negative moisture. After attempting to golf 18 holes today, my less than scientific brain is willing to believe that such a weather phenomenon is possible. Six hours in that hot dry wind has serious dehydration power. We were playing 18 holes to establish our handicaps so no “do overs” were allowed and every shot counted. That certainly takes some of the fun out of golf.
At two o’clock, we were approaching the 16th tee. We were walking the course, so the carton of yogurt I consumed at 8 a.m. was long gone, the mercury was reaching the upper eighties, the sun was beating down, the wind of blowing and when one of my golfing partners asked “are you OK?” My public persona is “ten foot tall and bullet proof” and I’ll go to great lengths to preserve that image. The thought of answering honestly wasn’t appealing to me, but since she’d asked this question and couple of times in the past 30 minutes, I realized she wasn’t buying the “I’m fine” response. I broke down and admitted that I was trying to decide which would be the least offensive action on the tee box– fainting or puking. I was assured that neither was preferred and I was promptly escorted to a tiny spot of shade and forced to sit down. Golf has so many etiquette rules; I don’t know how you’re supposed to remember them all.
I insisted the ladies finish their round and after resting awhile I slowly hiked back to the club house. This humbling experience provided time for reflection and I came to the conclusion that 15 years of sitting in an air conditioned office can turn even the toughest of country girls into a wimp. It also made me realize that the 30 spf sun screen, a wide brim hat and gallons of water couldn’t protect me from the heat and life sucking dry conditions of the desert. Today I gained a new respect for life in the outback and better understand why the local tourism bureau offers an outback survival course. If the climate and conditions can kick my butt on the golf course, image what the mighty outback would do to if your car breaks down hundreds of miles from everywhere and your stranded for 2 days until the next car comes by.
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